February 23, 2005

American Idol Recap!

Okay, okay, my commentary got a little out of hand while I was watching the show, so my Mom told me that I had to be quiet. I can’t hold it in any longer so I am writing my own American Idol recap, just like my hero, Jaded Journalist.

I would like to start by saying that, overall the boys this season are by far better then the girls. By this I mean I could stand listening to the boys whereas some of the girls…well…that’s another recap.

As always the first person we see is Ryan Seacrest, but what the land is that on his shirt? To me it looked like some kind of family crest, the Seacrest Crest or Sea-Crest as the case may be. Now lets introduce the judges. Randy Jackson, who just fell out of a Lands End catalogue, Paula who always looks fashionable and Simon, who always looks the same. Next onto the male finalists. A little too much jewelry for me…but they are Italian so, ya.

The first one to sing or give an impression of Stevie Wonder tonight is Nikko Smith. I didn’t think he did all that great, so it’s a good thing he was first. The judges bashed him, not even knowing that they were in for several more ballads that night, and by several, I mean ten.

Here is Scott Savol. He can sing...another ballad. The judges don’t like it. Who compiles the list of songs that these poor boys are choosing from anyway? How do we know that they didn’t choose the most upbeat songs? At any rate it would help if he grew out his hair a little bit. Something’s better than nothing, and the beard ain’t cuttin’ it.

It’s time for the adorable Anthony Fedorov. Sure, he may not be hot, but he is cute. He sooths the audience with his gentle voice and clear lyrics, but only stings the judge’s nerves. How can you be hard on a guy like Anthony?

Now let’s give it up for my least favorite, Bo Bice. Not only does he look like someone they took off the street…but he sounds and acts like one too. Not all rockers sing like they just had their vocal cords cut out, but the judges love him anyway. I guess I just don’t know music.

Hmmm…Travis Tucker. He sings really good. My bets are on him for not getting in the bottom two, but the judges aren’t happy, once again. Maybe it’s opposite day, who knows in Hollywood.

If we must have a rocker in the competition then let’s have it be Constantine Maroulis. He knows that in this area of the competition you need charisma. While he struggles with the microphone at some points he seems to hit enough notes to put him in my top three…not that I know who my top three is, but what the hey.

Okay, David Brown. Obviously he had a forgettable performance because I have no clue what his performance was like…probably a ballad but you never know.
Jarred Yates is pretty cute, despite his picture on www.idolonfox.com. I think JPL proved that nobody has a good picture on the site. You know, he sang pretty well and he reminded me of a boy I danced with one time, almost like an older version on the same boy…hmmmm.

Now mon, it be time fo Anwar Robinson. I know I shouldn’t cut jibs about the way people look, but come on? You’d think this was Caribbean Idol.

Let’s get to Judd Harris already. Now he has got some moves. Obviously he watched last season’s Wild Card show. *sigh* Anyway he had one of the most upbeat songs during the whole show. In fact, it scared me at first until I remembered that they really do make songs that are faster then your grandma.

Joseph is another one that I don’t remember all that well. If I wasn’t a lazy foo’ I would just go watch his song on my PVR again, but we can’t all be like you.

This leaves us with Mario Vazquez. He is pretty cute, but my Mom thinks exactly the same thing so maybe I’ll back off a bit. I mean, what if he’s bald? Has anyone seen him without a hat…not me. At least he does a good job and shakes things up by not doing a slow song. How touching.

Well that’s enough from me. Not that you will see an end to my ridicules. Bwahahaha!