March 11, 2009

You May Say It Best If You Say Nothing At All

Have I mentioned how awkward BYU life is? I think it’s the mix of awkward people, moving through an awkward stage, in an already awkward setting that makes it that way. Thankfully, Taco Bell feels my pain…



I have one, and my friend, Fritzler, told me that he picked up a few from the Cougareat (BYU’s cafeteria) with which to arm ourselves for ward prayer.

My other friend, Michael, said that a few weeks ago (to further prove that the best things happen when I’m not around) the Relief Society ladies were told that it is inappropriate to scratch the boys’ backs in church. I would sure be embarrassed if I was the ONE girl that scratched a guy’s back…actually, no I wouldn’t. This really sounds like a conversation that should happen in Elders Quorum, maybe not in every ward, but in mine for sure. After all, haven’t these boys ever seen this:



If they have ever sat through a chastity lesson (that wasn’t the BYU Relief Society one about FaceBook and Indexing), they will have seen this chart in even greater detail. These are the people that think I’m a heathen for suggesting that the animated Book of Mormon movies are priestcraft and yet they continue on scratching each other’s backs, embracing one another in disturbing ways and helping each other remove gum from their shoes in a fashion that makes those sitting behind them increasingly uncomfortable.

This is getting out of hand. So out of hand that the only thing that could draw my attention away as being more awkward was the following conversation from my ballet class:

Girl 1: Did you color your hair?
Girl 2: Yeah. It’s for Dance Sport.
Girl 1: It’s looks great!
Girl 2: Oh, thanks! I think it’s about time for a wash. Whenever you see me with one of these headbands it means that I’m going on day 5.


I was shocked. I probably wash my hair too much, but regularly going 5 days without a wash…when you’re doing several dance classes a day? This is truly TMI at its finest.

Oh, it’s not? Well maybe this second gem from ballet class is:

Sometimes we do partner stretching where one person stands up and the other person pushes the first person’s leg up, kind of like a splits or a barre stretch (it sounds weird but it’s fairly normal looking). I was getting ready to help my partner stretch when she just said, out of nowhere, “Sorry, I smell really bad today.” What was I supposed to say? “Oh, it’s no problem, I reek too.” I didn’t say anything. While she was kind of right, I probably wouldn’t have noticed or thought about it if she hadn’t of said anything, just like the headband.

However, not saying anything is not an option when it comes to back scratching. Remember, if someone’s back scratching makes you uncomfortable, tell a trusted adult…or make an announcement at ward prayer.


Want more awkward BYU-isms?
-The Art of Conversation
-Porter Rockwell Lacks Urinal Etiquette in JRCB
-Oh, The Strange Things You See

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